Friday, April 13, 2012

Change







"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."

~ Anatole France

I wish I could frame and structure my emotions better than what the great poet has already said, and how beautifully. Achingly beautiful, actually. How very ironic it all seems - when the whole world around me is undergoing a spring makeover and getting dressed in the splendor of a newly sprouted green, inside, I am groping for ways to embrace this whole other kind of change.

Change, however insignificant or huge, has never been my forte. An annoyingly stubborn creature of habit, I can crack and burst under the slightest of pressures, a trait I have continually loathed. Last week saw the beginning of the much dreaded goodbyes - bittersweet dinners and parting gifts - and as much as I would wish this all away, I know it's out there lurking around the corner.
However this time, I'm still in one piece and that is quite unusually strong for someone like me. The feeling is yet to sink in, although the countdown has certainly begun knocking at the back of my head. I don't know if this is good or bad but trudge on I must, belting my emotions for a proper unleashing, for some day quiet and befitting. Whether this is being brave or just wallowing in denial, let it just be. It's only a handful of days anyway.

The sparrows have come back in flocks and broods. The bird-feeder, never left a moment alone, swings in joy from the dance of their communal meal. Jostling for space while eyeing that next precious morsel, the patio fills in with their noisy chatter. The furry little guy has returned too from his long winter sleep, scurrying up and down the mossy branches, sometimes even hanging upside down in the most precarious of positions. Plump, promising buds on my potted azalea stir to burst open, the full-bodied May bloom of which I won't be here to see. Unfamiliar birds grace the berry tree, just like new future residents will inhabit this apartment. Chocolate-pecan scones, the last of the homemade goodies to come out of my oven here. And thus, the temperamental baker signs off. Of course, for the time being only. 

10 comments:

  1. Hello Suman:
    We have discovered your wonderfully eclectic and beautifully illustrated blog by way of the delightful 'Friko' and have been entranced by what we have read.

    Change can, as you write here, be both uncomfortable and unwelcome but, for our own part, we have always welcomed change believing that it is better to 'go with the flow' rather than cling to the past.

    We have signed as Followers.

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    1. Your so very kind and lovely words made my day. Thank you! I agree, going with the flow is the only way to accept and embrace change. And then, why make things harder?!

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  2. Change is a challenge at times, good or bad. Spring is a season of beautiful changes and some rather dramatic weather. You captures spring beautifully in your photos. Wishing you all the best. Cheers.

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    1. Thank you for the encouraging words, P.K. Yes, a challenge it definitely is and with friends and family there, I'm hoping it'll be a good one.

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  3. What a big change! I can understand. I am so anxious. I need habits. And I love customary things. Your words and your pictures are stunning

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    1. Thank you, dear Celine. True, it can be maddening to break away from the 'customary things', but let's wait and watch..

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  4. There are no witty sayings, pithy platitudes, clever turns of phrase.
    This is hard. You will get through this and come out the other side to a whole new place and with all your energy restored....but it won't happen tomorrow or the next day. Go easy on yourself - treat yourself tenderly because this is hard. You have made a nest, nurtured relationships, stepped outside yourself and opened yourself to every kind of experience and now you're preparing to turn around and walk away.
    Very hard.
    The thing is - everything you've done, everything you've nurtured is still there, and better yet.....in you. You take it all with you and that makes you rich in the most important way. Sad, for now, but incredibly blessed with the sort of wealth that most can't imagine.
    Thinking of you as you make the transition.....

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    1. You say it all so beautifully, my dear. As you say, I take it 'all' with me and that alone is the most comforting part of all this. Guess we forget to look at the larger blessings when faced with relatively smaller situations. Life?!
      Howsoever hard it gets on the way, your wise and comforting words will always fortify me. Many, many thanks.

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  5. All change brings a fear of the unknown and a major change like the one you are facing doubly so. But change can also be exciting, there is much to learn, to discover; new friends to make and new avenues to explore.

    Courage, my dear.

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    1. You are absolutely right, Friko. Although I'm going back to the home country, it'll be a whole new experience and there'll be lot to learn. Thank you for that much needed boost.

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